The Coffee Steam

The New Year Resolution

2012-01-06T07:39:00.007+08:00

She stared at the blank page—willing herself to write—but quickly got up instead.

One..., two..., three. Inhale. Exhale. Slowly, she completed a routine.

"How come it took me the whole night thinking about it, half an hour just doing it?" she thought, "works every time."

So, she remembers.

"Don't wait until everything is just right. It'll never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles & less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you'll grow stronger & stronger, more & more skilled, more & more self-confident & more & more successful." ~MV Hansen

Life Skills #7: Humility

2012-01-05T03:12:00.001+08:00

Charles Spurgeon once noted, “Humility is to make a right estimate of one's self,” and it struck a chord with me.

No one is invincible. We all fall down at some point in our lives. We all break down.

Only the strong at heart will transcend their human frailty over and over again. Yes, they will bow in defeat with grace. And they will never whine nor complain—not even if— but, especially when the odds are against them. They will give credit to whom credit is due.

Humility is a strength of the heart.

It is the ability to accept and correct one's own failings and not pass the buck to someone else just because one can. It is always making a conscious effort to believe the best in everyone, considering others better than one's self. You bet it's hard work. It can be painful, too.

But it works in the most unexpected ways. Let's all learn it. Because the world needs it.

"It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels." ~St. Augustine

Seeing Good in Every Pain

2011-03-22T23:12:00.001+08:00

It feels so much like fear. The sensation, that is. You simply can’t tell one from another. Pain is inevitable, even, necessary. And we cannot just explain it away.

I’m not writing because I have figured out the “why’s” of my own pains. Rather, I have come to find more questions. Still, I do not count myself worthy nor would I dare question His ways. Not again. As the thought still haunts me.. "Who am I, anyway, that God should explain Himself to me?" And so, I’d rather keep my peace. I have chosen to grapple with the questions in silence. For there, they all seem to make sense... somehow. I've come to understand my own frailty —the temporariness of it all.

But, I believe there’s always something good in everything we go through. Even pain. Especially pain. Really. There’s something good in everything, we just have to look for it. But that is not without the usual, or perhaps even the expected struggles attached to it. All you need is an attitude of gratitude to winnow the good from the pains. It takes time.

The best thing we need to realize —pain reminds us all that we’re not invincible. Or has ever been. It is the one truth that finds us all in equal bearing. Pain. It exempts no one. Our fleeting glories can never shield any of us from this human experience.

And we can rest from the struggles if we only learn to endure.

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” ~Lance Armstrong

The Touch

2011-02-10T05:46:00.000+08:00

Lying face-down slowly to relieve the tingling pain in her back, she willed herself to sleep.

When she felt those oil-damped palms again weakly massaging from her shoulder down...

Her mother had staggered to her bedside.

Soothed, she buried her face deeper into the tear-stained pillow and drifted in that touch.

The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~C. Latet

Finding peace through rough waters

2011-01-15T22:46:00.001+08:00

There will always be times when fate would seem so unkind —pulling the rug from under your feet, leaving you sprawling squarely down to the ground, falling flat on your face..

I know. I've had some of those times.

We all have our own shares of troubles and it’s nothing unusual to feel over-burdened most of the time. Because these days, we all live stressful lives. We just go on barely meeting life's demands each day. Hardly coping.

I’ve met a few who have that enviable ability to rock with the boat, just keeping still and remaining calm until it sails on quieter waters. But, they too, have fallen flat on their faces at one time or another. Fate exempts no one, really.

I’ve had my boat rocked to its core and capsized so many times already. Yet, I never got used to all the rocking, until now. Life can be anything but boring, I can assure you..

What gives? We all crave for certainty and that ever elusive sense of security. So, we'd panic at the slightest tilt of the boat. Some would freak out at the mere sight of the waves.

Because our confidence is in the boat. We often forget we can stay afloat, or swim.

And that realization hit me lately. Struggling with his own share of rough waters, M. Scott Peck on one of his bestsellers, In Search of Stones, wrote:

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we're feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”

It's a conscious choice to always look at the brighter side of everything we'll go through in life. That's how we find peace. For it's not despite of, but because of the times we've been through rough waters that we learn how to handle the worst times yet to come.

"Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out." ~Vaclav Havel

Come away, October

2010-11-04T00:00:00.052+08:00

Beneath, your clear blue skies
On a Sunday, in the noon time
Cast a soft blanket of light—

O'er silhouettes a-gleen,
Palm trees swaying to the warm wind
Blowing nigh, sweepy away.

Slow droplets of salty
Mists bathe my skin in warmth enfold;
Come away now, October—

Fluffy clouds roll on by,
Unveiling your vast heavens
Casting shadows where I lie.

I scribbled this poem while my father was delivering his sermon last Sunday, October 3^1st. From where he stands, above him the church wall is half-open letting in the sun's rays and you can see the palm trees swaying against the roof. Sitting at the front row, I couldn't help noticing this spectacle.. ~Dette

Can't do it all

2010-11-03T05:23:00.001+08:00

“If you could do tomorrow over again, would you? “ ~Seth Godin

"Busyness" is undoubtedly addictive. You can just go about your seemingly endless "should-do" and "urgent-to-do-lists" each day without even noticing how months passed have you by.

Until you can't stop anymore. Then you start to take notice—

I know. I've been through it all.

But the more I kept pushing, the farther my goals and dreams seemed. All the pushing, and squirming, and sleepless nights didn't seem to move me one bit nearer to everything I've ever hoped or wanted to achieve. Something just doesn't add up.

It was only when I finally realized how I have been pushing to the wrong direction all along thinking that if I was good enough at it, I'll get things done. I didn't, at most.

Hard work set against the right direction is just futile. You can take fancy routes or even invent complex techniques, but still, you're helplessly lost. Sometimes, you'd get too caught up with all the hurrying that you forget where you're going. And so, not a bit moved, you lose momentum. Frustration settles in. And you wonder why.

Well, it felt like I was hit with a brick in the head realizing just that...

I stopped and asked myself, "How did I get to where I am now? Do I like it where I am now? If so, what did I do right? Will I do it again? If not, what did I do wrong? Can I change it? Am I willing to make the changes?" Somehow, deep inside I knew. And it made all the difference.

Dream Big

2010-11-02T05:59:00.000+08:00

She slumped lazily beside her father in the front-seat. Then they started driving home.

"When I grow up, I want to be a dumptruck."

The bumper sticker caught her fancy. She smiled amused. It was and old, worn mini-cab speeding along the highway.

And she told herself, "Yeah, why not?"

It is never too late to be who you might have been. ~George Eliot

Life Skills #6: Tenacity

2010-11-01T07:27:00.013+08:00

is our ability to s-t-a-y the course longer than most. To finish, regardless. Or to stay put.

Now, there's a world of difference between "staying the course" and "just staying put". Where one implies movement, the other stagnancy. I'm all for the first here.

You see, what matters is not all about what makes us tick, or entertained. Often, it's just what makes us stick it out till finish line. Because the quality of the life we live is determined in large part by our tenacity to do good, to strive towards a goal.

This doesn't mean zero-change. Rather, it is our willingness to upset the status quo by creating change and staying at it long enough until it spreads. It speaks of character. Because our ability to remain rooted and grounded in our values and principles while refusing to live stale, boring lives is what makes us first. No one really wants to come in second.

So, it's not time to quit! You think you have a boring job? Or relationship? Or even, your "self"? Well, what have you done the past thirty days to change that? If you'll just keep doing the same things that actually led you to that stale job or relationship, you'll keep getting the same.

We can change that. Join me. Let's make change and stay at it—

Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity. ~L. Pasteur

Life Skills #5: Adaptability

2010-10-07T00:41:00.031+08:00

Adaptability is not imitation. It means power of resistance & assimilation. ~Mahatma Gandhi

Some of us are natural born 'adaptive'. Some are not. But, it can be learned. At will.

The challenge is for each of us to stay on track as life shifts constantly. To pursue our higher ideals and values in spite of the pressures from hypes and choices, or the lack of it. Flexible. Yet, uncompromising. It's the ability to master one's circumstances instead of slaving over it. Because if you don't stand over your situation, it will boss you around.

And just because you have to yield at times, doesn't mean you are weak. Quite the opposite. It takes inner strength to accept the unpleasant together with the pleasant. Or live with them. It's a mark of maturity —the ability to take on life's realities with grace. Dignity.

As Winston Churchill reminds us, "In war as in life, it is often necessary when some cherished scheme has failed, to take up the best alternative open, and if so, it is folly not to work for it with all your might." Indeed, you have to make the change or it will make you.

Really, life is tough but things are getting better... regardless.

Life Skills #4: Generosity

2010-10-05T10:39:00.044+08:00

Generosity is not giving me that which I need more than you do, but it is giving me that which you need more than I do. ~Kahlil Gibran

To give freely without knowing or being concerned with whether or not it will be reciprocated. Generosity.

A skill most of us slack at or simply don't want to try. But we demand its benefits so bad we sometimes kill for it.

There are three stumbling blocks we need to overcome and how:

The culture of reciprocity. We're so hardwired with it we rarely, if ever, feel comfortable about giving without recompense. Although reciprocity builds relationships and influence, it can also be manipulative when gratitude becomes an obligation for the recipient. Thus, generosity loses its value. It fails to make a positive impact. Change that. Learn to give and receive freely. No strings attached.

The little god called 'consumerism'. Now, we get, we don't give. Consumerism has become so ingrained in our psyche that we don't even try to find an alternative to "what's in it for me?" or "how much can i make?". We pride ourselves in paying our way on almost everything. Respect. Attention. Companionship. Even, sympathy. Since we all need these freely given, why not give them away first? In fact, that's when reciprocity works best —it's payback is not mere obligation but respect and attention, friendships and commitments.

The fear of scarcity. But, you'd say, it's difficult to give when you have so little. Yet, your generosity with the little that you have is what actually keeps you from having little. When giving is something that can never be adequately returned, it becomes more valuable. It shakes things up. Improves relationships. Generosity binds the giver to the recipient. But when it demands a payback, it becomes a transaction. Cheap. And transactions isolate.

Live a life that really matters. Practice this skill today. Think of all that you can give —respect, love, attention, hugs, sympathy, positivity, strength. It can make all the difference.

Life Skills #3: Thankfulness

2010-09-20T22:58:00.013+08:00

One of the harsh realities of life is that we just can't have everything we want. Or so we think.

I have learned the hard way that I can actually have everything I ever wanted simply by wanting everything I have! How I wish someone told me that earlier...

You see, all our frustrations, grudges, and discontentment are rooted deeply in our inability to accept "everything" with gratitude. Ever wondered why we tend to be so focused on what we don't have that we almost always take for granted what we already have? "If only I have this... they have everything I don't." Or at work, in our relationships, even in our private thoughts, we'd go on everyday obsessing about what we didn't get that we live passionless, meaningless lives "I hate my job, I'm supposed to be.. I deserved that raise..." Worst, we're so busy planning our next steps that we've forgotten where we're heading. "I'm stuck in a rut... I just can't get things right!" Well, how about finding a direction first?

Gratitude is a state of mind. It is our ability to look beyond our present uncertainties through the lens of hope. It requires the habit of optimism. That turns into an attitude of gratitude. It starts with the realization that we don't deserve "everything". Because we never created life in the first place. Life is given to us. So, we ought to be thankful for all things. It won't do us any good to grumble and whine because we only waste time. It's how life becomes a drag.

And here's the thing: be thankful for everything life throws your way and you'll eventually gain the power over the "wanting". Your circumstances, or worries, or pains cannot anymore dictate what you ought to become because you now have the control. They can't boss you around. You call the shots on them. Then, you'll quickly learn to want everything you already have.

So, just imagine how much time and energy it can save you in the coming days —regardless of what will come your way. And you can make your life more meaningful.

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough." ~Oprah Winfrey

The Golden Eggs

2010-09-14T05:59:00.003+08:00

“Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it.”

A farmer had a goose that laid a golden egg everyday. It made him rich.

Thinking he could be richer quick, he decided he'd get all the golden eggs at once. He cut up the goose, but, there were no golden eggs.

And he couldn't assemble it back to life.

Note: This is my "mini saga" interpretation of one of Aesop's fables. The quotation above is credited from Rabindranath Tagore, Nobel Prize for Literature 1913. ~Dette

Life Skills #2: Listening

2010-09-13T20:15:00.010+08:00

Our successes in life depend a lot on which voices we listen to the most. And we're hearing lots.

For a few weeks, I stalled. I stopped writing. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I realized the reason was that I listened more to the other voices inside me —fear, laziness, selfishness. And I gagged the voices I should have been listening to all the time. Here are a few reasons at work:

Fear. We may not recognize it as such, but, creating change and being changed causes fear in our hearts. We'd rather be safe and comfortable. We shun the unfamiliar. And we'd rather have things as they are. Challenging the status quo is scary. Because, most often than not, we could be alone in it. We don't like being alone. This voice inside us argues loudly, "It's not right, be practical. Just fit in." Sadly, this voice often wins.

Laziness. I'm not surprised this comes out. Honestly, I'm quite embarrassed I'd be admitting it. Whenever this voice has its way in me, I'd go with the flow. Be carried away. Because it's easier. And easier "jobs" don't get things done. They're fun to do. They don't really matter. Because they don't feel like work at all. It takes focused hard work to go against the flow, to do things that really matter. Not just "busy work".

Selfishness. It's the most difficult to admit. Yet, we're most crippled by it. We stop short of doing something remarkable, of giving our best, because we don't want someone else taking the credits. We put off giving our "self" because we fear that by being generous we could be taken advantage of. Or we lose something we'd rather have ourselves. And that hurts.

You see, we live in such a cynical world. But, we're inspired, and touched, and changed by rare breeds of remarkable people —Mother Theresa, Mahatma Gandhi, even Steve Jobs. We admire them. They inspire us. We wish their tribes increase. And so, why are we so inspired by them? Because deep down, we are them.

Why not start "increasing their tribes" by joining them ourselves?

These are better voices within each of us worth listening to. These voices are built-in —innate. Excellence. Passion. Generosity. Life can be better when we listen to these voices more and stop listening to the "other voices" again.

"If you don't change the way you do things, live your life, or make decisions, you'll never grow or mature or feel better about life as a whole. You've to be the change you want to see in your life." ~Lisa Turner

Life Skills #1: Resiliency

2010-09-01T07:27:00.022+08:00

Like many of us, I drift. I lose my focus. I wander off.

Sometimes, you find it almost impossible to snap out of a trance —the lure of quick successes, easy-to-get happiness, or complacency. It's foolish. At times, it takes the pain of losing or falling flat on the ground to make us face ourselves again and think...

But, one thing that always takes me back on track is resilience. It's a life skill that needs time and practice to master. And it's worth it. Here's how:

Bend but not break. Life doesn't always happen the way we plan it. If something is worth building, the cost keeps changing. The stakes can get higher. Even our backup plans fail. And when that happens, it is our ability to bounce back every time that matters most.
Dip but don't drown. Along life's journey, we all go through dark and scary valleys. There, we fail often. But there will always be more dips along the way. So, the next time you get into one, hold on. It's no use shaking your fists in anger at the people on the bank who pushed you there. Swim back to shore. Or if you can't, at least shout for help.
Get squeezed but not powdered. Life's demands can leave us gasping for breath sometimes. We get squeezed out to a pulp. And when that happens, our ability to remain "intact", sanity included, matters the most. Because the more we get squeezed, the cleaner we come out of a mess.

Remember, no matter how far life pushes you down, no matter how much you hurt, you can, and must, always bounce back. So, practice the skill. And don't forget to breathe.

Prudence ~Part 2

2010-08-31T06:28:00.009+08:00

Ever been bothered why so many of us live discontented lives?

I set out to walk earlier this morning. I felt a deep sense of calmness sweep over my being just getting damp with the cool misty air. Then I passed by a fishing resort. Yes, it's the sort that allows you to fish right in the pond and pay for your catch. Then, cook it right there. I stood at the gate. And wondered...

Really, people don't go there to pay for the "ordinary" catch but the "thrill" of accomplishing it. It's quite easy because they fish right where the fish are. They don't have to seek them in the deep oceans. The real catch? It's the simple joy they get from doing so. The convenience of finding happiness that easily.

Odd as it may seem, but, I realized how we seek simple joys with complex ways. Because we're so busy trying to make a life that we forget how to truly live. We're so focused on what we don't have that we forget what we already have.

I remember now what it is we too often miss out on —prudence.

It's a rare virtue. It's that voice within telling us to choose that which is "right" over that which is merely "acceptable". It makes us gravitate towards the good naturally. It gives us the strength to do the things that matter. To live consciously. To create change. Not resist it.

"Prudence is the knowledge of things to be sought, and those to be shunned." ~Cicero

Nature or Nurture?

2010-08-17T17:24:00.000+08:00

Circumstances don't determine where we can or should go; they merely tell us where to start.

There's something good about growing up in a big family —with five siblings. Being the youngest and the only girl, I've spent most of my childhood close to my four big brothers. We mostly stayed at home playing "war games" in the boys' room. I'd mess up the game when no one would take me in to their "camp". But, father wouldn't tolerate my screaming, so, all four boys get the spanking.

Naturally, or as a consequence, I adapted some boyish antics.

Growing up, I developed a passion for literature and reading lots of them from my older brother, the fourth of the boys. Also, a love of the arts, I got from my eldest brother by stealing his blue pencils and drawing any figure I'd see from food wrappers or calendars. My other two brothers, the second and the third, taught me to play the guitar at seven and the drums at fifteen.

Some might call these innate talents, but, I see them as acquired skills and passions. I could've been a "typical" girl. Collecting dolls, hello kitty, or trying on mother's makeup and dresses. I wasn't acquainted to those things. I would've done such things if it weren't for my brothers' influences. But still, the biggest part of acquiring those passions and skills was that I was so eager to learn what they were doing, too, that I must have annoyed my brothers then. So, they had to teach me anyway. Thus, I made my choices. They would've never taught me anything if I never wanted to be taught. Or if I never saw the need. I was nurtured.

Really, who we are may be because of our circumstances. But who we become is our choice, our own doing. No one is dumb, or lazy, or passionless, or unskilled by nature. It is simply irresponsible to think so. We are not programmed that way. Because we are thinking beings by nature, gifted with free will. Therefore, we are equipped to make good choices —to either be molded by our nature (circumstances) or be nurtured despite our "nature".

Of course, we are always influenced by our circumstances, yet still, we can choose to take the influence or not. Because circumstances cannot make the choices for us. We can be guided by them but never coerced to become what we have not chosen to be.

So, don't wait for your circumstances to change so you can be better than you are. Instead, be your best because of your circumstances now. And never give up.

“I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.” ~ James Rhinehart

Persevering

2010-08-16T06:02:00.001+08:00

"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines." ~Robert Schuller

I stalled. I could not get myself to write for the last 2 weeks. Or so. I wanted to say something honestly —about what I was going through. But I was too afraid to be so honest. Afraid it won't help.

I've been thinking, how our pursuits of "things" can lead us to lousy situations at times, if we're not careful. What we fear most happens. Like despair. Or failure.

Four months ago, I took a different route. Different because it was not my usual ways. I worked hard at self-discipline. Savings. Exercise. Optimism. It worked as long as I focused on it. And then. Just when things were starting to get pink and roses, I wandered. For reasons I thought were "reasons". Still, I wandered. I lost sight of my goals. I stumbled. I got wounded. I bled.

And when you're in such a lousy situation, it's pointless to blame the pebbles, or road blocks, or the weather, or the darkness that made you stumble. You have to pick yourself back up. Not lie there wasted. You can either look at your lousy situation as an opportunity or a threat.

I made my choice. I chose to look at "it" as an opportunity.

I know, I suck at motivation sometimes. But I persevere. I found that's what really works. When you do something or anything with your heart in it, you can get hurt. But you can't stop there. You have to keep pushing past the hurt. Because that's what gives life meaning. Pain shouldn't be a threat. It changes things. Change is hard to come by if you just sit on it.

If I had chosen the latter, see my stumbles as threats, I would sulk. Sulking can never change my situation. I would blame anything but myself. It doesn't help at all. I would just stagnate.

I don't want that. I refuse to put the blame on anything or anyone but my own choices. So, I'm glad to be back up on the road once more —with callous feet and stronger knees.

Here's the thing, I never gave up, I just changed gears.

Drifting

2010-08-07T15:23:00.003+08:00

Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. ~Abraham Lincoln

Leaning has been a lot easier. It gave you the sense of security and comfort... even strength.

You clung tightly. You held it close. Like life.

Then things changed. You panicked. Your strong facade collapsed at the moment you lose grasp. You fall. You get lost. But, you stayed. Lost. And then.

You felt something snap out of place. You cringed. A gush of warmth crept through your arms. You felt your feet shudder. Then silence. Darkness. You awoke in the cold. You felt for your sole and gingerly plucked out a spike. Your knees knocked weakly. You stagger back up. And reached for the nearest wall in painful steps. Sigh.

You realize —you haven't really learned to walk on your own. You've been clinging all the time. So, when the very thing you cling to crumbles, all that's left of you are two wobbly legs, unable to support the weight of your own body. How could you possibly move on? You drift.

Writer's Block

2010-08-06T20:37:00.000+08:00

Being a creative writer, it was hard for her to not write daily for the last month.

That day, she was determined to write. She forced herself to write about three pages.

That night, after reading through everything, she tore every single page from her notebook, smiled contentedly and slept.

"Writer's block is a disease for which there is no cure, only respite." ~Terri Guillemets

Elevator

2010-08-04T14:48:00.017+08:00

When something is missing in your life, it usually turns out to be someone. ~Robert Brault

Are you going up? Or going down? The elevator is a strange place. It's a short ride too long...

If you're working in some tall condo-office building, you probably get in that little box with familiar faces from day to day.

And you might have been seeing the same people for years...

You get crowded inside with them, but only because you've never really met. You stand next to each other and try not to touch anyone. You keep a safe distance. Not talking. There's just silence. Perhaps the only time "talking" happens is when you hear an occasional, "I'm sorry" or "Excuse me" in whispers.

No one looks at anyone. The "friendliest" ones would only throw you a quick glance. It's almost as if there's a huge sign that says, "No touching, talking, or looking allowed without the permission from management."

You wonder, sometimes, why people in that little box are careful to only "look" to two directions: up or down. It's either they watch the red number go up in the level indicator, or they stare down at their shoes. People don't face each other, except when they're with some people they already know. Even then, they hush during the short trip.

You keep yourself aloof. Anonymous. And assume others will, too.

Really, people stand so close, yet, remain worlds apart. Sadly, we (sometimes? or usually?) see the same thing happening inside our homes. Our relationships. Although we don't ride the little box, but sometimes it seems we virtually do. We live so close to each other and yet we don't really "know" one another. We don't touch. Can't stare. Rarely "talk". But we know we want to.

Here's great news, we don't have to take the elevator all our lives.

Sometimes, walking up the stairs "beside" one another can make all the difference. We don't have to "survive" the little box. We just have to reach out. To connect. To care enough. To touch and be touched. To be stared at. To be missed when you're not around.

Because we're humans. We need that. We ought to.

Making Time

2010-08-02T16:42:00.008+08:00

Good luck and fate walks on common ground —time. One says, "I wish" while the other, "I will".

Some people have the opportunities but wait until they can "find time" to act on them. Some make the time and get ahead... fast. We can't just leave fate to chance. Because we co-create our fate.

If we say we'll try to find time before making good of our opportunities, chances are we'll never find it. We're busy people, you know. But, we always make time to do the things we really want to do. And if we make time, we find good luck comes along quite easily. That's how we make things happen. That's how we find good luck.

So, when will you be "not-too-busy" to make time? Remember, it can make all the difference.

“We realize our dilemma goes deeper than shortage of time; it is basically a problem of priorities. We confess, we have left undone those things that ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.“ ~ Charles E. Hummel

Who are your "real friends"?

2010-07-29T22:45:00.014+08:00

A true best friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked. ~Anon

I know two kinds of friends: the shadows, and the real ones. To which group do you belong?

Some friends are like shadows. They can get close to you (especially when you don't need them to) while you walk in sunshine and you won't see them the moment you step into darkness. They stick around in good times but quickly walk away in bad.

Some even have temporary amnesia. Memory problems. They tend to forget a lot about you if they choose to and remember a few when they need to.

"A friend in need is a friend to be avoided," so they say.

A few friends are real. Don't lose them. You can easily find them beside you, sharing the weight of your burden, or simply walking with you. They'are like rare diamonds in the dust. They're always around —in good times and the bad. Of course, your idiosyncrasies clash at times, but in the end your love towards each other still prevails. You'd eat conflicts for lunch. As Oscar Wilde noted, "True friends stab you in the front." And you would.

Real friendship isn't a big thing —it's a million little things. Things that can make you cry, or laugh, or feel silly about. Whatever we do to show love, and accountability, and genuine care —those are the marks of real friendships. To love and be loved back. And then.

Shadows simply don't love back. So, we better be real.

A Long Run

2010-07-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

i lie unmoving, paralyzed—
i stagger to my feet
oblivious to the glares of
blinding lights around me
i stand, weakly
and fall—
my face stuck to the ground
i groan in pain
a gush of warmth rushes to my veins,
my cheeks are crimson
like venom, my hopes are choking me
but then, i know
i must run this race
to the last phase
i will not give without a fight
i will not lose helpless
i'm moving forward, i will be there!

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." ~Henry Ford

Losing steam and what to do about it

2010-07-25T19:05:00.025+08:00

I haven't really figured out why. But I have my suspicions. Maybe I'm losing steam because I've been trying to do a lot at once and still worry I'm not doing enough. I'm muddled. Next, what?

Psychologists call it battle fatigue. The symptoms include headaches, back pain, irritability, inability to concentrate, insomnia, tiredness, depression, anxiety, and partial amnesia to name few. Huh?

But, I'm just tired, a bit anxious, and maybe have partial amnesia to pain. Battle fatigue? I call it "losing steam". Stalling.

We all go through it. Battle fatigue. Losing steam. Too often too much. Sometimes, it's worry, frustration, and resentment that causes it. And negativity is always a BIG energy sucker.

So, what to do now? If you're like me, here are a few things I find helpful:

Walk away. Declare temporary ceasefire. With no definite return. Take time to just be.
Read good stuff. Read stuff that can inspire you. Remember, garbage in, garbage out.
Make some lifestyle changes. Unless we realize and understand how we are maintaining the situation we don't like, we'll probably continue making the same mistakes.
Be self-critical but kind. But, keep your mind on the correction, not on rationalization, excuses, or rationalization. Grow up.
Think positively and realistically. Make it a habit. Positive thinking requires effort and attention; negativity happens easily without trying.
Be patient. Have the ability to accept what you don't like without becoming resentful.
Rearrange your priorities. Maintain a healthy balance between what you want from your situation and what it forces you to accept.

These are times when we need to de-clutter our lives of all the "drama". To make space. To refill it with new things. Things that can inspire us back to get-up-and-go... again.

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them." ~G. Bernard Shaw

More than meets the eye

2010-07-22T20:58:00.000+08:00

Aesop wrote, "appearances are often deceiving," and we all know that as well.

For instance, aging. Ever wondered why age-defying products nowadays stand in equal footing with basic grocery staples in terms of sales? We want to look young... forever if we could. But life will always find a way. Thus, age is the unstoppable force we all must face, everyday.

Even now, I still don't get it why some of us, especially women just can't readily admit our age. Like it's a "disease". I think the underlying issue here is an inner conflict between two choices. To be acceptable or to be a willing victim of societal expectations. Either way, we're trapped.

Perhaps we need to be be reminded that "growing old" doesn't always mean "growing up" for most of us. There's a peter pan beneath us all. A child within. Our sense of "fun".

But then, there's always the flip-side...

There's a huge difference between being child-like and being childish. The child-like attitude is trusting, have simple wants, and easily pleased. But childishness have misplaced ideals, vanity, discontent. And it reeks selfishness. It's a very thin line we all cross too often. Why?

Misplaced ideals. It's the basic rule of consumerism. We willingly watch it being forced down our throats everyday. Ideals like instant wealth, success, fame, vanity, permissiveness. We've consented to advertising glorifying promiscuity as modern art —pornographic art. We promote materialism with the red-tag label of success and self-respect. We've reasoned out perversion as "forward thinking". What's next? Politics to replace religion? Your bet is as good as mine.

Vanity. Shopping malls have trained us to want more, then want even more. I remember one time, my best friend and I chanced upon a sale event by one flip-flop store at SM-Cebu. Crowds flocked to the store almost like panic-buying while the other store salespeople drooled at the long lines of customers cashing in on pairs of overpriced flip-flops. Then we overheard from a few bystanders witnessing the spectacle, "Sus, mahala ana tsinelas ah, unya tumban ra." (Jesus! Those flip-flops cost too much for something just to step on.) And I had a pair then. Buh.

Discontent. I remember coming home late one night. I picked a window-side seat in the hire-van to secure a little privacy for myself during the long ride. Then, a guy, fidgeting with his TV-phone slumped next to me. I felt a tad intruded. Not that I disliked the guy for any reason, but, what really bothered me was the fact people would actually deem it necessary to carry the idiot box around. Not enough noise, yet? How about iMax goggles replacing RayBan?

So, are you growing up or just growing old? Really, there's more to "aging" than meets the eye...

“For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearance, as though they were realities and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are.” ~Niccolo Machiavelli

To-do-and-not-to-do List

2010-07-19T05:40:00.003+08:00

"It's just another manic Monday.." the Bangles sang wistfully. And so we join the chorus.

Life in the city is a fast lane. Too much noise. And glare. And we're like billiard balls, just bouncing into each other, never connecting. "Connections" are shallow. We become increasingly dissatisfied. And we'd go by feelin' exhausted on Mondays but alive on Fridays..

The trouble, I think, starts and ends with the efficient use of our time each day. Really.

Today, I sorted out my own struggles with personal time management, especially on Mondays. If you're like me, here are a few to-do things to start the day right:

You're human, aren't you? When was the last time you checked? Then at least make a to-do-list and will yourself to check off some items before your day ends. If you don't need one, chances are good —you're superman reincarnated.
You're going to work, not play. If you own your company, it's your choice to waste time procrastinating and rocking that expensive executive swivel chair in your desk while chatting or reading this blog. If not, then you don't have that choice.
If nothing gets started, nothing gets done. Pretty obvious, right? Not so. Else, why aren't we motivated on Mon-days? Stephen Covey writes, "Begin with the end in mind." Do work that matters, today. Don't forget, Mondays don't start with lunch breaks.
Old school communication works better. Need to make a point? Nothing beats a hug, or coffee talk, or hand-written sticky notes, or a pat on the shoulder when "connecting" with real people, not virtual ones. Small things matter.
Ideas and opinions aren't etched on stones. Repeat this mantra: improve, improve, improve. Boredom and procrastination are the enemies of creativity. And success.

These things are "common sense" not so common. But, we can at least try. T.G.I.F!

I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it. ~Charles Schulz

Walk Away

2010-07-17T08:15:00.040+08:00

It's Saturday! I had an unusually playful feeling this morning, not like the past few days. I took an early bath and a steaming cup of freshly brewed coffee.

The I began playing a few chords in the piano while humming to a song that's been playing in my head all night. I remember writing the first stanza to this song several years ago. I just added a chorus and second stanza today. But my fingers froze in the early morning mist. Here is...

"Walk Away"

When I looked back
I saw you standing there
So near, your eyes seem to tell me so—
I tried to get closer,
Reached out to touch you
But then you were gone

(So I) I turned around
I was tryin' to find you—
But felt only tears here in my eyes
You know how it hurts me so
To walk away from you

Goodbye,
Do we really have to learn this word
And try to hide the pain it can bring
But, tell me, we never meant forever
To say Goodbye

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that can't be..

What works when life doesn't

2010-07-15T05:43:00.004+08:00

"Don't give up trying to find your way. But do remember that sometimes it takes bending to avoid breaking." ~Katinka Hesselink

It takes a certain amount of resiliency to get back up from the inevitable failures of life. And it can take long at times. Still, what matters is bouncing back again and again and again and again.

When you're trying to steer a life with your naked eyes, your vision can get fuzzy sometimes. Fatigue sets in and the blues beat you into a pulp. Well, I've had it recently. My strength lagged behind my dwindling motivation throughout the week. And for some reason I still cannot fully understand right now, I had a painful down-time. I was... not me.

For down-times, I hold on to these three timeless principles that work when life doesn't:

Personal integrity. Be true to yourself. Don't ignore your inner compass. Keep your commitments. Make your "word" stronger than greed, indecision, carelessness and personal interpretations. Because at the end of the day, what really gets you standing back up, even if it takes several stumbles, is your conscience.
Forgiveness. Learn to forgive yourself. Admit your mistakes and make immediate efforts to correct them, but be ready for the consequences. Be as forgiving of others as well. Because our human frailties guarantee we'll all have our share of mistakes. As Stephen Covey writes, "Seek first to understand, then be understood."
Gratitude. Life is tough but things are getting better. I've always believed that the key to personal satisfaction is appreciating everything you already have. Stop obsessing with what you don't have. Always be thankful for life itself. Learn to be comfortable with ambiguity while continually seeking clarity at all times.

Sustaining "order and balance" in life is all about how well you bounce back. Confucius wrote, "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

Again, resiliency.

Disclaimer: I just found out upon searching for my actual title that there has been a book by the exact same title by "Stuart Briscoe" published 2004. I haven't read the book, neither do I know anything of its content. Though I hope to get one someday, and there's no pun intended with this post. I'm just writing to understand my own predicament during the past week. Hope it helps someone, too. ~Dette

What did I miss?

2010-07-14T06:24:00.018+08:00

I was lost in my own thoughts at the backseat...

The taxi driver waved away a beggar from his door-side.
He ranted about how those beggars are just too lazy,
he simply couldn't give away his hard-earned money.

When I got off, he charged P50 more on my total bill.

Note: This happened last Saturday. I took the taxi going home from work because I wasn't feeling well.

3 Driving Lessons We Can't Live Without

2010-07-12T22:46:00.010+08:00

Magic moments happen when you're unconsciously staring at "it" and never really notice "the thing" the entire time. It's only when something hits you right in the head do you realize you've had "it" right there all along. I've had it. Today.

Everyday, I ride with my dad to and from work. Not only that it's convenient —I don't really survive public transport well— I also enjoy our conversations during the long rides. These rides are my magic moments. And I wouldn't trade them with a lifetime of fame and fortune. I've had good laughs and a few teary-eyed talks with my old folk, too. On the road.

I'd often wonder why I feel more comfortable telling dad about anything while he's on the wheel. Hmmm.

Yeah. I'm a bit of a daddy's girl alright.

Well, I've learned a few life lessons during these "magic moments". I'd like to share three things that just hit me today. Here are Dad's top three driving lessons:

Always give way to people crossing the road first. He'd always remind me that people should be valued more over cars, no matter the brand. Same thing is true with life. Some use people and value things when we ought to value people and use things.
Never beat the red light. Not only does he keep reminding me about the dangers of beating the red light, it's also good social manners to know who you share the road with. Everybody. I know, we've all felt the temptation to beat the red light when the intersections are empty. Again, same thing is true in life. Some would step on other people's toes just to get ahead. It's not only dangerous, I'd say, "Shame on you!" Ooopps.
Don't ignore the "empty gas" warning. My father happens to be in the profession of fixing automobiles. He always warns me to never let the car run on empty tank. Not only does it damage the engine beyond repair in the long run, it's just foolish to do so. Now, I can relate to that health-wise. I used to ignore "warning signs" —fatigue and stress— that it has done my "heart" bad the past two years. I know better now...

Life on the road is hard. Because we're always responsible for what we do no matter how we feel. Yet, as someone once wrote, "No matter how far you go down the wrong road, you can always turn back." And to that I agree. Really.

Marked

2010-07-09T18:05:00.009+08:00

What sets you apart? What's your mark?

I'd like to think I've always been a non-conformist. Not so. But only when isolation, or sometimes aloofness, doesn't make sense.

For how does one draw the line between solitude and paranoia? Pride and prejudice? Self-confidence and conceit? The differences can be very subtle. Almost unnoticeable.

So, it's good to fit in sometimes. To be acceptable. And yet.

There's the tricky part —how does one "fit in" without conforming? So, here's a quick list of ways that have helped me balance acceptability with non-conformity in my own life and career:

Respect other people's beliefs especially when they're not your own. You don't necessarily have to agree, but you can, by all means, accept other people's ideologies as different from yours. Live and let live.
Give credit where credit is due. Remember, it's better to deserve honor and not have it than to have honor and not deserve it.
Consider others better than yourself. It may be painful to admit, but you're not the only person who has an opinion and who knows something. We all have talents and ideas that are just as important as yours.
Be more genuine than sincere. We all appreciate a genuine soul. Genuine smile. Genuine concern. Genuine care. Not fake. Because, while you can smile or worry or care sincerely, you can also be sincerely fake.
Do the right thing with no eye on a reward. Doing the right thing may not always yield for us the results we want or expect. But then again, we can never expect good results when we do the wrong things. It never happens.

I'd like to take these points further with a marketing analogy. We're all like medicine. Some are generic. Some have brands. People almost always trust brands. Biogesic. Neozep. Bisolvon. Why? Because they have the trust marks —doctors, heatlhcare professionals, rich people use "brands" and endorse them. Generics are second-choice, cheap alternatives. Blah.

So, what's your brand? Are you marked? I am... still working on it.

I may not be different, but I'm definitely not the same. ~William J. Dybus

How To Enjoy Life Better —A Clumsy Guide

2010-07-08T11:37:00.011+08:00

"I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry." ~Anon

What was it like? To be curious and naive. To be clumsy and yet full of energy. To be consumed with angst and still have fun.

Ah, high-school life! I'm nostalgic. All because I missed the energy and passion that my teen years never seemed to run out of.

Or could it be I've been taking life too seriously?

I'm a born contemplative. Buh. Not that it's such a bad thing, just that most of the time it's what pulls me away, really, from a "social life" I used to enjoy in my younger years.

Adulthood is hard.

I'd sometimes ask myself, "What's up with you?" And I once grabbed my cat and blabbered about this occasional hangup. I asked the poor thing,"What do you think? What's wrong with me?", and he just squirmed out of my grasp before letting out an exasperated "meeeooooooooww". I can almost imagine him raising his left eyebrow, "Duh?"

I'm looking back to high-school. When life seemed to be more fun, carefree, and full of energy. But that's only one part of "a life" I'd like to take lessons from. The other, all the angst and conflicting emotional turmoils, would be a different story.

Sit back and reminisce... learn a few lessons on how to enjoy life better today, like we used to:

Be naive and curious. It makes life an exciting discovery each day. Have you felt lately how life is so daily it's sometimes boring? But that's only because we stop "discovering" things. We tend to think we've figured it all out and life drags on and on in mundaneness.

It's better sometimes to be clumsy and full of energy, than to be sophisticated and boring. Remember how easy it was to enjoy the day when you can just laugh at yourself and still be accepted by your peers? It spares you from sulking too much in embarrassment of a hurt pride. If we could all just be at ease with ourselves...

Live passionately, but by all means, have fun. Remember the time your crush was sitting next to you in English class? How you both exchanged stolen glances the entire hour your teacher was blabbering about pronouns and verbs? But the only pronoun and verb that mattered to you then was "her or him" in conjunction with "puppy love". Oh, sorry, you had no idea they called it "puppy", whatever that meant. Life was... red.

Now, it's time for you to "talk back" if you've been reading this blog. I know I would shift from my own pangs of passionate rants about life and all that "self-growth" stuff, I sometimes forget to have fun. Today, I just remembered.

So, what was it like when you were in high-school? Hmmmm...

Life's A Rhyme

2010-07-07T20:43:00.000+08:00

Keep dreaming
Tho’ strength’s a waning—
For as certain as the dawning,
There’s always a new beginning

Seek what’s real
Thru all pains conceal...
For as time passes, wounds can heal—
That’s life, all that’s part of the deal

Note: Ever felt tired from too much "passion" in life, sometimes? I just did. Though, it doesn't meant I'm giving up. It's just battle fatigue. So, this is sort of an exercise with "rhymes". Hope it makes sense, too.

Why Ask Why —The Reasons

2010-07-06T15:34:00.001+08:00

There is a reason for everything. Or so we think.

Our frustrations and pains, our successes and pride, or even our lack of reason have reasons. Some of these we are well aware of sometimes. Others we are not.

Why do we dream? Why do we fail? Why do we love? Why does it hurt? Why do we look for happiness when it too won’t last? But, still, why do we even try?

All our worries, fears, and failures are overdetermined. Because they have more than one cause.

See, we are not particularly reasonable people.

Someone I interviewed made me think hard about that. We visited a livelihood project (women who make bags and stuff out of recycled tetra foil pack, used magazines, and trash) last week and I was tasked to interview their team leader. And I learned of their humble beginning and the impact the project had in their lives. I was awed and inspired, to say the least.

But one thing stuck to my mind. It was the reply I got when I rhetorically asked the team leader, who I found out was the mother of eleven children with a jobless husband,

“What do you think of some of our "kababayan" who always seem to blame the government’s inaction as the cause of their poverty-stricken lives and all other miseries?”

“Oh those people are lazy. If they only want to, they could rise above their poor conditions like we did. They only have themselves to blame. We took the time and really worked hard to get here. What do we have that they don’t? The government cannot do anything at all if they don’t even try for themselves first.”

So, might there be some things today for which we can’t discover a reason? Or pass the blame.

We'd like to think we're "striving" for the right reasons. Not so that it matters. Of course we’d simply say, “oh, but we all have our personal and subjective reasons,” which explains absolutely nothing. The thing is, do the right reasons matter? It’s quite painful to admit our reasons sometimes don’t even matter at all. But pain is an inevitable side-effect of consciousness.

Because in the end, what gives our lives meaning and purpose is not so much as what we have achieved but what it has made of us.

So, what are your reasons? Do they really count?

You will suddenly realize that the reason you never changed before was because you didn't want to. ~Robert H. Schuller

Wide-awake

2010-07-05T06:33:00.006+08:00

"If you don't have time to do it right you must have time to do it over." ~Anon.

Mornings are new beginnings. So, when are you going to start living like it?

If you're waiting for magical moments to inspire you, motivate you, and approve of you, you are just daydreaming way too much. Rare moments like that are important. But there's a big difference between "daydreaming" and realizing your actions matter.

If you have a good plan, execute it. If you have new and better goals, start moving towards it today. No need to wait for some shooting star to wish you luck, or some self-help guru to tell you how to achieve your dreams. These things I forget, sometimes. We all do.

Sometimes things rush at you all at once like wild animals and overwhelms you with thoughts of "i-will-never-be-good-enough-for-this" or "i-must-be-doing-it-wrong-all-this-time" that you just lie there, trampled on the ground. Paralyzed. So, what to do when that happens?

Here's a quick list of a few ways to restart:

Take care of yourself. Do you really care about keeping yourself healthy —both in mind and body? Occasional gym sessions, or one-day-fasting from your self-defeating habits can give you a quick fix. But, quick fixes don't work. It takes a lifestyle change.
Play a new game with a new game-plan. You can change what you do if you want to, but not if you keep putting it off for a "better day". Procrastination won't work miracles.
Make time to "water" your relationships. Because relationships don't just grow by mere chance. And growth requires change. Remember, small things do matter.
Stop perfecting your life and start living. Just because you dream of a "perfect life" one day doesn't mean you can't start living it today. Find things that make you enjoy life.
Quit taking. Instead, give. Sometimes, when we give, it allows us more room to receive. Real giving is an uneven exchange done with the right spirit. So, if you find yourself feeling empty, consider this: perhaps you've not received because you've not given.

So, if you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.

Faith... Does It Matter?

2010-07-03T20:45:00.002+08:00

I don't write to to teach or impose my beliefs and opinions to anyone. I wouldn't even argue about what's wrong or right. I write to understand. This is why I held off writing anything about my personal faith. Because I don't wish to sound religious or preachy. Or insincere.

You see, we all choose our own paths. Some wander aimlessly. Some take their cues along the way. Faith. I chose the latter. But, four years ago, faith just stalled on me. I puked.

I took on a self-sufficient radical faith, or so i thought. I faltered. Looking back, I realize where this self-sufficiency has taken me —nowhere.

Things like that don't just happen. I shouldn't have assumed it won't. For even the least fatal fall from faith, or a broken relationship, starts with tiny scratches and perhaps blisters along the side. These invisible leaks grow unnoticed. But they grow. And fast. Before you could even think of patching it all up, cracks show up faster than you could ever start to understand why.

Although I haven't quite recovered yet from the fall, I've started picking up the pieces —doing my best to rebuild something coherent from the rubble.

Surely, "You never really know how much you believe anything until its truth becomes a matter of life or death to you," as C. S. Lewis aptly puts it

Now, I'm beginning to understand...

Note: This post is intended as an introduction to a new blog I have set up. It's about a very personal and whimsical perspective on the Christian faith. And as I have mentioned early in this post, I am not an expert on matters of theology (though I've had a year of Theological college to boot), I write to understand. I invite you to join me in this new journey... of a faith that matters. ~Dette

Sifted

2010-07-02T06:17:00.015+08:00

Where dark clouds hover over me
O'er storm-tossed waves swept to the sea,
Pour down your wrath and let me be
Stooped to learn humility—

Sear my pride from worthless gains
Cease all wanting... drown in the rains—
That which matters, that which remains,
A life of substance despite the pains

“When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place.” ~C. S. Lewis

Getting Things Done: A cat's perspective

2010-07-01T05:52:00.009+08:00

The choices and actions we take each day determine what we'll be doing next. And yet, it's so easy to settle with, a "come what may" attitude. That way, we lose.

We can all learn from my pet. He's a white feline who has this uncanny habit of nibbling at your toes just to show he likes you. Then he would come purring his way to your heart making you forget what he just did. Yeah. He's cute like that.

I'm digressing, a bit. Well, he gets things done pretty quickly, every time. Here's how:

He never, never, never, ever gives up. Whenever he's hungry —and that's usually at four in the morning— he practically wails for food right at the door of my parent's bedroom. He persists until my old folk gets up and gives him his ration while waking up the entire house.

He sticks to his goal long enough. When he's into something, like chasing his favorite lizard, he pursues the poor little animal relentlessly. And perseveres until he gets his prize.

He watches and waits patiently. When he's chasing a mouse, he waits on it. No matter how you'd try to distract him, he'd always go back to the spot where he saw it and wait, forever if need be. And that way he always seems to catch a mouse quite easily.

Again, to get things done almost always requires an insane amount of personal responsibility and initiative. We've got to stick to it long enough. So, shall we?

Between you and every goal that you wish to achieve, there is a series of obstacles, and the bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles. Your decision to be, have and do something out of the ordinary entails facing difficulties and challenges that are out of the ordinary as well. Sometimes your greatest asset is simply your ability to stay with it longer than anyone else. ~Brian Tracy

A Son

2010-06-30T05:34:00.001+08:00

A son wrote from war-camp: “A friend asks to live with you. He lost one arm, two legs. No family.”

But his father refused thinking his friend would be a burden. Later, both parents received news that their son committed suicide.

To their horror, he had one arm, no legs.

Note: An illustration, adapted to mini saga, during my talk —a discussion about acceptance, prejudice, judgment— to a group of young teens last Sunday. I hope this tugs at your heart, too, like it did mine.

Small things matter

2010-06-29T12:59:00.024+08:00

Few things tug at my heart simply because they're so simple, or small, we often take them for granted.

Handwritten notes, home-cooked meals, a quote from my favorite poet, fresh flowers, tap on the shoulders, my Dad staying up late waiting on me to be home safe, coffee chats with my brother, or bestfriend... I'm quite old school.

Almost... nostalgic.

Such things may seem too small to some, yet, when done tastefully, can strengthen relationships in ways we can never imagine. I know.

Sometimes, small "relevant" details mean a lot. Because when overlooked, a tiny blot can easily become a smudge, that can turn into a stubborn stain. It's not nitpicking.

My work in advertising and marketing has somehow trained me to be more mindful of details. And though it may not be as exact a science as engineering or chemistry, but still, much like it, a seemingly insignificant mistake such as a typo in an advertising copy, can ruin an entire marketing campaign. Similarly, a lawyer's mistake on technical details can spell the difference between a lifetime in jail and freedom for his or her client. Even, our failure to read and understand fine prints in a credit card bill can cost us much. Buh!

Same thing is true with relationships, careers, projects, or personal struggles. Many people live their lives like they have it all figured out, but often forget important details. Details that can spell the difference between success and failure, profit and loss, defeat and accomplishment, mediocrity and excellence, or even growth and stagnancy.

These are "differences" that tend to leave us dissatisfied, restless, and miserable at times. You see, negative emotions rub off easily. Worse, it's contagious.

So, the next time life hits you with a brick in the head, rescan through the details. Breathe. Perhaps, it's time you pay attention to small things. Today. Before it's too late.

"Great things are done by a series of small things brought together." ~Vincent Van Gogh

Spin

2010-06-28T06:28:00.028+08:00

If you owned the company that you're working for, would you work "the way you do" today?

Nah. Who cares? You should. Attitude spells the difference between rewards and consequences. Positive or negative, it's more valuable than skills, intelligence, or appearance. What you bring to work matters more than what it brings to you.

Do you ever pretend to work, while accomplishing nothing, just for show? Do you just do your office-work routinely turning in mediocre results? Do you dream of a job without aggravations? Do you stick around your 'job' daydreaming about that which you'd rather be doing than 'work'? Are you still enthusiastic about "work" the way you were on the day you were hired?

So, you think Monday is a such a lame way to spend one third of your life today? I sometimes do. I get the jitters, too. Because if you don't really like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and 'work' halfheartedly.

But I like my job.

So, I'm in for a new spin. And because I love what I do, I give it my best shot, every time. It makes all the difference. Think you're bored at work? Take a positive spin.

What is it that you like doing? If you don't like it, get out of it, because you'll be lousy at it. ~Lee Iacocca

A Song in The Night

2010-06-27T20:54:00.023+08:00

As I close my eyes, my heart awakens
To its own rhythm in slow cadence

Swaying, leaning to the night's soft embrace
Dancing like a fleeting summer's chase—

Ah, to live life anew o'er mounds of dreams
Sweet dreams, like the overflowing streams

Where the warm winds' blowin' all through the night—
A soft melody, my heart's delight

Written as a sequel to "The Tempest" —my closest shot at writing couplets. I'm no Geoffrey Chaucer, yet.

Squeezed

2010-06-25T23:12:00.005+08:00

When we're no longer able to change a situation —we're challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

Ever agonized over how anything good can ever come out of your situation? I did. I fumbled.

Nothing numbs the senses more than being put on the spot and asked to side between two equally important issues. Love or self-respect? Obedience or compromise? Gratitude or integrity? Or perhaps choose between the lesser of two evils. Reluctance or doubt? Apathy or indifference? Wound or bruise?

Even worse, to be asked to do something you're just not up to at the moment. To laugh while your world is falling apart. To keep a straight face while being consciously stupid. To stay cold while you're melting within. Like a deer caught in the headlights? You bet.

But, really, what has numbed you? Fear? Guilt? Like guilt, some fears are real. Some imagined. Sometimes it motivates, sometimes it crushes the spirit. Discouragement. Disillusionment. Rejection. Weakness. Fatigue. Everything is choking you.

So, what gives? Can't take the heat?

Consider the bitter lemon fruit. You have to really squeeze the juice out to enjoy all its goodness because nothing good can be made out of it on the surface.

Same thing is true with our circumstances. Or aspirations. Perhaps to get more of the good stuff out, from beneath a rough exterior, you just need to be... squeezed, a bit more.

The Tempest

2010-06-24T06:46:00.004+08:00

Like a dream that gives me no respite,
Lingering through the night,
But by morning it stills again...

Caressing another scar
Bruised tender with yearning—

Drifting to long languishing days
Spent searching for a trail,
A wisp of air, a faint whisper
It left behind...

Just Let Go -Part 2

2010-06-23T06:37:00.207+08:00

Letting go is growing up. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.

At the crack of dawn I was on my way out walk-jogging this morning. The road was still wet from last night's heavy rains. Relishing the cool crisp air, I felt inexplicably free. As one who’s finally free from years of prison —of imagined fears, expectations, and false notions.

It felt... different.

I didn't always feel that way. I've been held back from many things. Things I wanted to do on my own but I never got to. I was smothered. Way too sheltered.

"It started during my senior year in high school, I knew I wanted to be a journalist. I’ve always loved writing. I believe I was decently good at it. So, when I was accepted into a journalism program in one of our reputable universities (University of the Philippines in Baguio City), I was ecstatic. But... my parents held me back from pursuing it. I obliged and stayed with them and took a different college course to keep my peace. Looking back, I wasn't always happy with the many other choices I was obliged to make for I could've chosen otherwise had I been free to do so. Rather, I was free, as long as it was acceptable and proper for them. It hurt."

Not that I'm regretting it all, I just know more now than I ever did that I need to let go... of that hurt. To forgive in a you-mean-so-much-to-me-i’m-willing-to-forget kind of way.

I finally did, lately.

Consider this... we can only become something new by ceasing to be something old. We find by losing. We hold fast by letting go. And, letting go doesn't mean we don't care or we just shut down. But rather, it means we stop trying to do the impossible —controlling that which we cannot— and instead, focus on what is possible. Or practicable.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~Lewis B. Smedes

Stirred

2010-06-22T17:47:00.011+08:00

We all follow certain paths. It's just that being limited to expectations and conditioning can lead us to predictable, dictated lives. This is exactly the kind of life I'm turning away from.

It all started from a disgruntled reflection on my own life as a sort of re-composition, trying to make something coherent from my own conflicting ideals and aspirations. To find a better perspective. To redefine a life. My life. Or perhaps, eventually, someone else's.

You see, it's foolish to play by a set of new rules with an outdated game-plan. Because our lives not only take new directions, but many of the basic concepts we use to compose a sense of self have changed their meanings. Work. Home. Love. Commitment. So must our way of life.

Yes, sometimes, I'd fall back into procrastination, or indifference when life gets too hot to handle. I admit. And it's not that I'd give up quite easily, I just falter. Or foolish pride sets in. But, brokenness often represents progress rather than failure.

When this happens, as it often will to all of us, it helps to refocus on these goals:

To look at problems and difficulties in terms of the creative opportunities they present.
To define achievement not as a purpose but rather something that's crafted from odds and ends, like a patchwork quilt, and lovingly used to warm different nights and bodies.
To accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can.
To subordinate your feelings to your values. (Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits)
To stop selling yourself short. You're better than you make yourself out to be.

And I'd like to play it up metaphorically (like my favorite cappuccino), "To make a delicious blend of all the bitter, sweet, spicy ingredients life throws your way, just keep stirring."

As for me, I refuse to live life in a drab. I choose to be... stirred. How about you?

"People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates." ~Thomas Szasz

When "I-want-more" gets into you

2010-06-21T22:15:00.078+08:00

Most of us admittedly swear by the “Thank-God-it’s-Friday” oath and barely survive weekdays. There seems to be a common obsession with “overtime” and fat paychecks. We’re willing slaves to society’s goddess of “achievement” —highly intolerant to failure and defeat.

We always want more. And when we get more, we want even more.

Really, how much can be enough? Oh, we have ever-growing needs, we say. Needs that are too oft disguised materialism. . .

Ever realized how we worship gadgets and fads like the savages of ancient times? We hail the status quo and embrace its expensive symbols —our favorite mantra: what’s the latest?— more often than our family and closest friends. To top it all, we’re vicious consumers of fitness and health hypes, yet, we simply don't bother to really care about our own bodies —simple regular exercise, balanced diet, enough sleep. Isn’t it odd that we work more to get more to spend for elaborate health insurances? Things just don't add up. Buh.

Well, you should have noticed by now, how I have intentionally used “we” in this rambling. It's because I cannot exempt my own guilt of these things. Now, just take a deep breath and sit back. These are not our worst crimes yet. Let me share with you three survival tips from my own periodic love affairs with this modern god –workaholism.

First, admit that you just can’t work hard enough to ever get enough. It takes real strength though to cross out some “can-do’s” from our extremely impressive calendar. Yeah, they’d only look good on resumes, but not on your hospital bills.

Second, always keep your sight at eye level just in case you have to jump over it. Personal relationships are at the highest risk level in this area. Beware.

Third, make time to rest. Just rest. Away from work. Away from cellphones. And emails. You’ll thank me for this. As Publius Ovid (a Latin poet) aptly puts it, “Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” And if work just gets overwhelmingly above your pile, which, it often will, walk away. Let’s talk it over cappuccino grande at Starbucks.

Or do we actually make ourselves believe all this hard work is just so we can have enough? If we'll ever do. It’s an incurable lifestyle, so it seems. Sigh.

One Way

2010-06-20T17:35:00.030+08:00

Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break. ~Jane Wells

Two goats meet head-on along an old foot bridge over a rocky, raging wild river. The bridge connected two cliffs.

Neither opted to go back.

Realizing how he could easily be bullied by the stronger goat, the smaller one lied down so the other can pass over his frail body.

Note: This story was an illustration my Dad used during his Father's Day sermon this morning. ~Dette

Boxed in

2010-06-18T05:40:00.030+08:00

"Before you can break out of prison, you must first realize you're locked up." ~Anon.

Ever felt so limited, yet, too weak to break free from the confines that hold you? I have had it.

You're bound to duties and responsibilities, expectations and conditioning, inhibitions and creeds. You've been that way too long, in that, whatever is acceptable, agreeable, and conforming to the ways, creeds, and principles that your circumstances, authority figures, peers, traditions, and even religion have imposed on you —you just do.

Why? Because you choose to. Or people choose that for you. Or. . . you just do because you're not capable of thinking for yourself anymore. Ouch!

Expectations. Every time you make up excuses or try to explain what you think, or say, or feel, or do, you make it other people's business to mind why. They have foolish expectations. You can be fooled into believing it's what you want, too.

Inhibitions. When you have to deny yourself what you really want, who you really are, or even try to take comfort in such masquerade, you set yourself up into an inescapable trap. In that people will think they know you enough to be so giving, a people-pleaser; then, when you disappoint them, they feel hurt. And guilt is an unforgiving monster.

Responsibility and caution. If you burden yourself with things "you-should-be-doing-because-they-need-you-to", you are beating yourself up needlessly. You can never please everybody. When you do, it'll never be enough. And martyrs are burned at the stake.

Acceptable, agreeable, and conforming. You are imprisoned by fear. Fear of being alone. Or perhaps, you've stopped thinking. It's too much work. You'd rather be on familiar ground. To fit in. But, the only reward for conformity is that everyone may "like" you, except yourself.

Like it? No? What's keeping you? Remember, not all those who wander are lost.

Finding forgiveness, losing faith ~Part 3

2010-06-17T06:13:00.049+08:00

"He does not believe who does not live according to his belief." ~Thomas Fuller

It's been a while. I'd like to think I've figured it all out by now. But it's quite the opposite.

Perhaps it's my disdain of religion. Wait. No, don't get me wrong. I never denied the existence of God, on the contrary, I firmly believe there's more evidence to consider about the essence of Him who gave me life than any argument from even the most intellectual atheists.

Truth be told, it's because of this conviction —stronger than my own will and deepest passions— that I struggle.

A battle between living in faith or by mere reasons. I lose the latter everyday. And gladly so.

Still, what's with religion that I despise so much? It's where religion dictates what it wants us to think, or feel, or say. That's what I'm rebelling against... deep within. I fear how religion and its rituals are making us into puppet-like disciples —with manipulated notions about ourselves.

For what's piety on the outside, corruption in the inside? Hypocrisy. It's when people behave a certain way, talk a certain way, or even dress a certain way within the confines of religion, or church. I'm frightened of how we've been trained to automatically switch from one "self" to another just to fit in, to belong a certain way, on certain "church" days. To be acceptable.

Really, between what religion makes us believe and what it actually makes of us, things just don't add up... no matter. I'm starting to think religion is all just for show—

Because true faith means I must live what I believe. So, if I believe in equality and justice, my actions and attitudes must be guided by truth and fairness. If I believe in second chances in this life, I must be forgiving and gracious. If I believe in love and charity, I must shun selfishness and greed. If I believe in honesty and truth, then I've no business with corruption.

Faith is a way to live. But religion is an overrated "make believe". To which do you subscribe?

Fasten your seat-belt

2010-06-15T14:09:00.002+08:00

This ubiquitous driving rule, fasten your seatbelt, is meant to protect the driver from further physical injury, not stop accidents. Because accidents happen.

"My older brother had a serious car accident six years ago somewhere in Manila. His car was unbelievably wrecked at the hood, its windshield smashed to bits. He survived the ordeal with some serious cuts in the arms, a broken rib, and a broken glass buried deep onto the crown of his head. It was a good thing that his head did not slam heavily to the windshield —it would've been his demise."

He was wearing a seat-belt on. That protected him from further injury in the head.

If you've been driving for a while, you should know better —wearing a seat-belt is a good habit.

The same thing is true in life, in goal-setting, in dreams: if you've been focusing a great deal on details, the destination, the future comfort, but, never thinking it necessary to buckle up for the "unexpected" —you'll fall hard. On a rocky road. Or from uphill.

Where do you anchor your hopes? Your security? Your strength? Will these hold long enough to save your life from the unexpected? Do they really matter as much as you think they do?

Will you survive? It's time. . . buckle up.

“If I always appear prepared, it is because before entering an undertaking, I have meditated long and have foreseen what might occur. It is not genius where reveals to me suddenly and secretly what I should do in circumstances unexpected by others; it is thought and preparation.” ~Napoleon Bonaparte

Carried away

2010-06-14T19:15:00.001+08:00

They took to the beach wanting to enjoy the high-tide and fair weather.

She dipped into the cool water then waded waist-high by the cottage-side while her brother plunged in. And he got carried away—

"Looks calm on the surface; but current's so strong below," he was gasping for air.

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” ~Paulo Coelho

Not yet

2010-06-13T14:56:00.046+08:00

“You know, sometimes, when they say you're ahead of your time, it's just a polite way of saying you have a real bad sense of timing.” ~George McGovern

They both looked flushed and nervous. The priest began his wedding exhortations.

"...anyone who opposes this union, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

The absent-minded groom muttered, "I do," smiling widely at his flustered bride.

Squeezing his hand, she whispered, "but hon, it's not the I do part yet..."

Note: This real story has been told by a friend while we were waiting for the wedding ceremony to begin (at one of our childhood friend's wedding yesterday). ~Dette

Love, again

2010-06-12T05:52:00.035+08:00

You thought you've lost it all. But lately you realized where you've left it all along. Now, you cleave to it once more. Feels strange. Feels freedom.

Solitude. You lived in a bubble. A road-less-traveled existence, as it seems. It felt safe. Quiet.
The coffee shop, the sweet aroma from cups of steaming cappuccino, rows and rows of poetry titles at the bookshop, the sea breeze softly caressing your face as you idly threw pebbles and watched the ripples it created on the water before you, the warmth of the sun on your skin as you dug your bare feet into the sand. . . your haven. Your quiet refuge. Yours only.

Intrusion. Then you took it in. No matter how odd it felt, but, yeah, you fell for it. And it broke your code... of solitude. You welcomed it into your world. Soon, the bubble was too small. You left your solitude. You held it close. It was real... for a time.

Blown away. Slowly, it slipped away. Somehow you just let it. When you realized how much it meant to you, it was gone. Blown away. You crawled back into your bubble. But, the solitude that once comforted you only seemed to further the emptiness you felt without it. You sought refuge in the security of your busy-world —work, work, work, work, and work. That, too, didn't hold long. Too shallow. It hurt so bad.

Crumbled. You did everything, but nothing that-really-mattered, to keep yourself safe from "yourself". You easily mastered the tough act. Deep within, it was tearing you apart. You'd recoil at the slightest contact, cringe at the lightest touch. Nothing ever came close or you'd quickly pull away. But you can't hold your defenses. That, too, crumbled.

Healing. Time heals. It finds you. Slowly, it got into you, again. It eased your pains. It gently soothed your scars. You're yielding. Love, you realized, has many faces. The one before you now is healing. Comforting. A family. A best friend. Or maybe. . .

I think I’ve discovered the secret of life —you just hang around until you get used to it. ~Charles Schulz

Pay it forward

2010-06-11T20:39:00.017+08:00

The things we do and say today can have far-reaching effects, positive or negative, into the future beyond our imagination. That I know. Because one drop can cause waves and waves of possibility, each concentric circle gaining in size and traveling farther. They're called ripples.

"I remember how my older brother, a senior in high-school and editor-in-chief then, uncovered a poem I've written on a crumpled paper in my bed and told me I should be the school paper's feature editor. It fueled my passion for writing and relentless reading. I was fourteen. Well, here I am now, still wielding the "skill" that built my entire advertising and marketing career."

I could've given up writing if not for that "push" my brother gave me. I'm always too thankful.

We never know how far the ripples of positive mentoring, compassion, a kind gesture, a smile at a stranger, giving directions to someone lost, or even writing a blog could cause enormous ripples across "the world" as one person reacts to it and the domino effect takes over.

Ripples always travel outward in circles, and much larger than the initial starting drop. It doesn't happen in reverse. That's because, while we're free to choose our actions, we're not free to choose the consequences that follow our actions. But still. . .

Compassion, kindness, integrity, honor, and truth have far-reaching effects. Pay it forward.

“It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope.” Robert Francis Kennedy

If only

2010-06-10T23:31:00.006+08:00

"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."

He got out of bed past travel time to work.

His boss reprimanded him for being late. He felt bad the rest of the day.

Coming home, he raised his voice on his wife. Tired, his wife got irritated. She lashed back at him.

And he regretted his actions later.

Note: My Mom & Dad have this strong relationship between them. They can lash out in moments of anger and forget about it in the next. Though, it seems, the repercussions of one's reactions to small irritations can be far-reaching. I've been guilty so many times for being irritable the whole day just because I woke up late for work. Have you been, too? ~Dette

Life has no shortcuts

2010-06-09T05:59:00.063+08:00

"He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying." ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Live intentionally; live better that way. Because nothing really happens by chance —even accidents are always caused— everything happens for a reason.

Habits, good or bad, are acquired by repeatedly doing; more so, talents and skills are developed by constant practice. These don't happen instantly. Like magic.

Meaningful relationships are deliberately grown; and growth always takes time. No one achieves anything of significance overnight. But perhaps, in reaping for so long where we have not sown, we've forgotten to sow... Remember, sowing always comes before reaping. There are no shortcuts. There will never be—

So, when do we start to keep up? Until then... what happens?

Fight or Flight?

2010-06-08T06:29:00.088+08:00

I skipped walk-jogging for two days last weekend. Lack of sleep caught up with me and I simply forgot. Well, I got into walk-jogging as part of my morning routine, not to lose weight mainly —although that would be a welcome development to boot— but to start a fight.

It's a fight marking a turning point for me. I've been warned of the worsening condition of my congenital heart defect, and needed corrective surgery in the soonest possible time. Stress has taken its toll on my health and I was in a pretty bad shape then. But, having lived through this diagnosis for about five years, I became too complacent. I ignored all warning signals.

I never considered doing exercise or any form of physical discipline to keep fit. I didn't even mind my other bad habits (lack of sleep on top of the list). I procrastinated until—

Ironically, you won't realize the real value of anything until you're suddenly threatened with its loss. That was how I felt. I couldn't dismiss the thought that my life could end too soon if my slack at personal discipline always got the better of me. Ergo, I willed myself to fight for my own life. And in this fight, I may never win, but I will do so very well. . . nonetheless.

This is a battle between time and fate —for all that it means to me now. Time seems to be ticking faster while my fragile strength seems to dwindle with it. But I don't really believe in fate as something that is "predestined", or just a random result of chance. It has more to do about dedication and perseverance; with the quality of a life lived as the end result.

I figure our fate and destiny is our own decision. We've been given the free will to decide and choose how we live our lives. But the freedom to do so doesn't always mean deciding things right all the time. For I could chose to "run away" with bitterness from life's unfairness, but that doesn't change anything for me. Life will still be unfair.

So, I choose to fight instead. . . and face the music.

“The full value of this life can only be got by fighting; the violent take it by storm. And if we have accepted everything we have missed something -- war. This life of ours is a very enjoyable fight, but a very miserable truce.” ~Gilbert Keith Chesterton

The Applicant

2010-06-07T20:07:00.019+08:00

"Looks are so deceptive that people should be done up like food packages with the ingredients clearly labeled." ~Helen Hudson

He scanned the resume and made mental note of qualities claimed.

Hard-worker, self-motivated, a high sense of initiative...

And then he looked her in the eyes, "Are you willing to work as volunteer for six months?"

She hesitated. "No, Sir. I just want to earn."

He dismissed her right away.

Note: My older brother, who has 12 years of HRM (Human Resource Management) professional practice, shared this incident about one of the female applicants he interviewed last week for the position of "administrative assistant". Despite her impressive background, my brother rejected the applicant.

Sharpen your axe

2010-06-06T17:28:00.035+08:00

"Being busy does not always mean real work... Seeming to do is not doing." ~Thomas Edison

A young man seeking employment with a logging contractor was asked to axe down a tree and he was hired.

But, soon, he was fired. "You're lagging behind quota." He protested, "But I worked the hardest!"

"Have you been sharpening your axe?"

"No, Sir... I'm too busy to do that."

Note: This is an illustration I told my group of young teens (we had our group building session an hour ago) in teaching them about the value of "real" work to achieving success in school. It applies to everything else we do. ~Dette

Connecting the dots

2010-06-06T06:21:00.023+08:00

Sometimes life leads you to a crossroad. It's when you seem to arrive at enough certainty to be able to make your way, you find it's taking you in darkness.

I was there. I was anything but certain. And having passed through it, I can say, I've connected the dots along the way.

To name a few connected dots:

The bending —Burdens aren't meant to weigh you down, but to strengthen your back.
The groping —The darkness may lead you astray, but you'll come to appreciate the stars.
The hurting —All your stumbles don't just bruise your knees, it'll also steady your legs.
The losing —You don't really forget a dream, you'd just temporarily misplace it.
The suffering —Pains aren't meant to make you sad, but sober; not sorry, but wise.
The coping —The best helping hands you'll ever experience are attached to your wrists.
The waiting —Delays are necessary stops to give you rest for the long journey ahead.
The falling —Mistakes aren't meant to stop you, but to remind you that there will be "similar" dips along the way. So next time, you should know your way around.

See, we've got nothing to lose. When in doubt, read #2.

We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive. ~C S Lewis

Flip that

2010-06-05T21:15:00.060+08:00

"There are two ways of meeting difficulties... you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them." ~Phyllis Bottome

We've heard it said, "Your attitude determines your altitude." But what happens if we flip that? How about "your desired altitude determines what your attitude should be?" Try these:

We take "entertainers" seriously, our political system as a joke. Flip that.
We applaud performance, ignore character. Flip that.
We quit before we even try. Flip that.
We dream big and work little. Flip that.
We act before we think. Flip that.
We speak before we listen. Flip that.
We nurse our pains, ignore our gains. Flip that.
We react before we stop to consider, respond when it's too late Flip that.
We remember the "wrongs" others do, forget the "wrongs" we do too quickly. Flip that.
We decide on impulse rather than wait, procrastinate when we should hurry. Flip that.

Be different to make a difference.

Non-reroutable

2010-06-04T08:48:00.067+08:00

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." ~Soren Kierkegaard

When one has transcended many difficulties, one can live better not mulling over it with regrets. After all, regrets only remind you of the hurts. It's futile.Instead, learn to laugh at yourself. To move on. To move forward.

Really, you have to take the good with the bad.

Yesterday, I booked two tickets online and paid for with my newly-cleared visa card. The trip was supposed to be Manila-bound, from Cebu. But I discovered later, to my dismay, I booked two Cebu-bound, from Manila.

But, the two passengers the tickets were for, haven't even left Cebu yet. And I already paid for the trip back!

"Great!" I chided myself, "You just booked the "future", honey." Still, I double-checked the printed e-tickets (the third time), but there was no mistaking about it. Sigh.

A note in bold print between the flight details and total price stopped me cold. It glared at me, "Non-transferable /non-reroutable" My heartbeat paused a few seconds, but it felt forever.

It was a costly mistake, one I'll always remember for the rest of my life. It taught me a whole lot more than all my past mistakes summed up. Boy, did I learn my lesson well this time. A lesson that quickly reminded me of the hard realities of life.

Unlike computer programs, life doesn't have the "back" and "undo" buttons. Mistakes in this life are irreversible, you can only correct yourself going forward. So, it's better to double-check your steps while you take them, not on stop. Consequences can't be paid on credit.

Life's journey is non-reroutable. You've got to watch your steps closely... always.

What if?

2010-06-03T12:13:00.065+08:00

“You have to risk going too far to discover just how far you can really go.” ~Jim Rohn

Sometimes, to make change happen, it's good to test our boundaries. Dare to cross borders. It can be scary. It's not safe. I admit.

We're so limited. That's human. I don't resent it. But what if we transcend our limitations? What if we step on the red lines? What if we go beyond the call? What if we don't resist change?

I think it will do us good to find out. Here are a few:

Our points of view —We don't see things 360 degrees all the time. What if we turn around more often and look farther beyond?
Our very short attention —We'd squeal at the slightest discomfort. What if we decide to listen and feel a bit longer?
Our fragile trust —We'd shut down at the first pang of pain. What if we risk getting hurt again, and again, and again, and again? Repeat. What if that can make all the difference?
Our finite grace —We'd forgive just to ease our conscience. What if we actually forget the offense and welcome back the offender? Don't we all deserve more second chances?
Our human strength —It's hard to be strong and frail simultaneously. It's pride. But, what if we ask for help?
Our too little time —We only have 24 hours each day and no "rewind" button. What if we spend an hour to "better" someone else's life simply by caring a little bit more?
Our soon-to-pass talents —We can only go too far with mere talent, and then... we age. What if our "age" reached out to more people in a way that would change their lives far better than just dazzle them with our talents?
Our getting-shorter patience —We can't take the heat of a confrontation. We easily tire of people's reasons. What if we stay a bit longer and open up a bit wider?

The list can go on, and on, and on, and on. As for me, I don't want to be limited anymore. I'm scared, but I'm taking the risks... beginning today.

Unspoken Rules

2010-06-02T08:54:00.010+08:00

Tired out from a day of house cleaning and doing laundry, she was grumpy when he came home.

He hurriedly took off his working clothes, threw them on the bed, and darted to the kitchen.

The sight of this mess blew her top.

That night, he slept on the couch.

After 45 years of marriage, my mom and dad must have these "unspoken rules" etched in stone between the two of them. I have fun at times just watching them grow old together... like cat and dog. ~Dette

Are you living an authentic life?

2010-06-01T18:18:00.122+08:00

Fake is everywhere.

Come to think of it, if you can't afford a branded watch but wanted the prestige of owning one, you'd get a faux replica. Bags, shoes, jewelry, artworks, name it, we've probably faked it.

Fact is, at some point, we can't really tell anymore the real thing from from the fake ones. Cheap.

Bank employees, especially tellers, have been trained to feel, smell, and look at a real note or money bill. Bank tellers can tell because they have seen and experienced the real thing closely. So, I've been told.

Sadly though, in our case, we've been trained to conform to a culture of vain substitutes. We've unconsciously, and sometimes willingly, accepted "faux luxury" for too long that anything "authentic" has become a rare surprise. Isn't it ironic how we can easily tell a fake first and have a hard time identifying the real thing itself? Sometimes, we just don't really have any idea.

Too many things that can easily be faked. And what with fake relationships, fake faces, fake personalities, fake emotions, and even fake voices?

Are you living your "own" life, not someone else's? Can you honestly speak out with your own voice, not someone else's opinions? Are you actually "feeling", not just going through the motions? Do you really look the way you are from the inside, not just a look-alike of some famous celebrity's clone?

Are you living an authentic life? Sometimes, people can't tell. But then again...

"People don't eat the sand because they're thirsty. They drink the sand because they don't know the difference." (from the movie: The American President)

The dangers of conformiy

2010-05-31T06:33:00.023+08:00

Conformity is that jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth. ~John F. Kennedy

There have been many times that I succumbed to the less risky business of conformity —of fitting in. Because it's hard to stay solitary in the midst of a culture of indifference to life's deeper meaning and higher purpose. And it's easier to get stuck in the dark not knowing when or where life will be better, that is, in our own definitions of "better"...

The thing with conformity is that it makes us "common", a prosaic member of "everyone", instead of being among the meaningful few. So, what gives?

You can never please everyone. Sure, you can fit in, be accepted, be noticed by everyone, but only for awhile. Because "everyone" has but fickle interests that can go as quickly as it came. You just can't expect commitment from everyone.

Your best will not always be everyone's best. It doesn't always mean that if it's popular with everyone, should be acceptable with you, too. Really, very few things need to be acceptable by everyone. Don't settle.

You can't do everything and be very very good at it. Just because everyone is into it, you have to, also, even to just be mediocre at it. You have to stick it with your own thing —be really, really good at it. That's what matters. That's more valuable.

You can't stick your nose where it doesn't belong and get away with it clean. Be with a few who cares about what you do and are willing to listen to what you have to say. Because the only thing nosy people have in common is that they are very common. And they can be everyone else's.

Well, I don't know about you, but I go with the truth of Steve Job's words, "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life."

Will you be missed?

2010-05-30T20:12:00.018+08:00

She dragged her feet and slumped down in front of the desk, beside her bed.

"Hi, how are you 'te? We hope you can teach us again, soon..." the text message read. "...because you helped change our lives, 'te."

Her eyes dimmed with tears realizing she has been missed.

“The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.” ~Mitch Albom

Note: "Ate" or "te" is a Filipino term of respect addressing "older sisters" in the family or adult ladies. ~Dette

Be steadfast

2010-05-29T06:42:00.010+08:00

Life is an adventure. It figures. Dare it, play it, confront it, fight for it, make it —you just can't stifle it. Life will always find a way.

I'm always the one to think, "I'll have another season", but deep within I'm losing hope. Things just get out of control sometimes. We get weary. Life is so daily, it's boring. We can just crack beneath anytime. I've been there. But I still can't figure it all out.

It took a lot of nerve-wracking "discipline-and-failures-and-second-chances" for me to stand back up again. From where I've been, you've probably been, too. I started out young and full of plans. I had back-up plans. But then, I was faced with the hard reality, and... back up plans just don't add up no matter. Because when you have one, you'll use it the moment things get topsy-turvy, and that happens pretty quickly before you know it. Time stands still, or so it seems.

The thing is, often times we just don't need to figure it all out. We have to realize that our difficulties are the very fabric that weaves life into one beautifully complex and intricate masterpiece. A miracle by itself. And it could take a lifetime for us to embrace it...

"Doubts and mistrust are the mere panic of timid imagination, which the steadfast heart will conquer, and the large mind transcend." ~Helen Keller

The Phone Call

2010-05-28T01:56:00.005+08:00

Halfway through the church board meeting, one of the members received a phone call.

"So, how's dad now?"
"Oh, he's fine. And sensitive..."
"Why?"

Noticing the stares, she excused herself, but within hearing distance—

When, she blurted, "How did you know they hurt? Oh, you mean... you touched his balls?!!"

This mishap has been told to us by my brother, the minister of said church, on the night we gathered to celebrate our father's birthday. A good reminder to be wary of taking private calls anywhere.. ~Dette

Nothing can be any better

2010-05-27T06:14:00.019+08:00

"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day." Alexander Woollcott

Ever woke up one morning dreaming about waking up that precise moment? I just did. Then I lazily crawled back to my bed thinking that must have been a dream. But it wasn't, as my alarm promptly announced seconds later...

How can I doubt it? I should never doubt it. Everyday is new, nothing can be any better! And, what better thing to do this early than to be, well, thankful.

I'm thankful for the bed I just woke up in because that reminds me I have a home. And that I've been safe and warm all night...

I'm thankful for having a job to go to today because this tells me I'm alive and well and productive. Also, that I've made good friends at work...

I'm thankful for my cat who cries at four in the morning —everyday, without fail— demanding his feed because that gives me another wake up call in case my alarm failed. My Dad agrees.

I'm thankful for my guitar hanging over my bed because that reminds me I can sing whenever I just don't know what to say. Though that may not always sound better than my cat...

I'm thankful for my Mom sleeping tightly in the next room because that means she lived through a tough day yesterday and that I'll get to see her smile again an hour later.

I'm thankful for my Dad's 63rd birthday yesterday because that proves he's survived another year being patient with me every morning as we drove to work. Because I can be very grumpy in the morning, and I also sleep while he drives... sometimes.

I'm thankful for yesterday's good and bad times. because what use is it to be thankful only for the good? Don't our bad times teach us the most? That's just the way it is.

And the list can go on and on and on. This I agree with strongly, "For all that has been, thanks. For all that shall be, yes." (Dag Hammarskjold)

Status quo: tippin' it over

2010-05-26T09:59:00.052+08:00

We all want the power to influence, in some way or another. To connect, to affect others, to be accepted, to be valued by someone, even a bunch of our kind. And that happens only when you're "first". Yet, we don't push hard enough to get there —to be above ordinary. Why?

Now, I'm not saying this is wrong or right, I'm just pointing out that this seeming indifference makes us mediocre, just average. Boring. The only option is to start doing, to be something. And so, let me share with you my personal game plan:

Step out. Dare to change the rules. Now, of course change can take as long as you allow it. It can make you squirm in resistance or crawl back in pain. And though it's not always clear to me why, I'm more familiar with the latter. But the only thing you can do to make things happen is to just do, now.

Connect. Pursue your passion, seek out your ideals, and create a culture. Then go connect with your kind, where you belong. These are the ones who think, feel, and want the same things you do. They are the ones willing to listen. That's all that matters.

Blaze a trail. Be good at one thing. Then be really, really, really good at it. Repeat.

Change something. Fact is, the only way to tip over the status quo is to change what you do, the ideas you spread, "who you are" when times are difficult, how much you give when you don't need to. Be the change you want to see in the world. (Mahatma Gandhi)

Do it again. Repeat all of the above. Be an expert at it. Then, do it again.

If you're great at some things, you also suck at different things, right? Really, the average don't matter. And the status quo is so "average". It's less risky. It's too comfortable. Effortless.

Go change that. Get out there, first.

Ooooops!

2010-05-25T17:43:00.003+08:00

Two sweethearts walk hand in hand, oblivious to their surroundings. Nothing can get in their way. They only had eyes for each other.

And then. He lost her.

Frantically, he turned around looking for his love. At last he found her. She was just speechless—

He reached down the drainage.

Note: This story has been told by an officemate about her college friend. The mishap happened inside their campus. ~Dette

Prudence ~Part 1

2010-05-25T06:30:00.032+08:00

You can be very literal-minded about things, until it affects you personally. Then, it's totally different.

Well, yesterday, I've had it. It hurt bad. I lost control, or rather, I gave up control. I wept. I've made my mistakes, but in return I learned, boy, did I learn. I wish I had known better, yet... I'm grateful it all happened.

Prudence. That uncanny ability to stay focused, to pay real attention to "the present" —to act and speak with foresight. It's a decision to do work and say things that matter, always. And while I'd fumble a bit about this, let me share a few of the learning's I'm talking about here:

Be open. Have the willingness to consider other people's opinions, though you don't necessarily have to like them or agree with them. Someday, you'd need to be heard, too.

Empathize. Learn to walk in other people's shoes. If you have to beat yourself to it, just do. You have to understand where others are coming from, to listen to "who they are" before you walk away and dismiss an issue. Others' shoes are always bigger than yours.

Say what you mean, mean what you say. Need I say more? You can be very frank, but be gentle. Be quick to listen, slow to speak. Chances are, you may need to remember what you just said, later.

Just say it. Give your opinion with respect and consideration. Disagree agreeably. Learn to ignore "critics" you cannot possibly please. After all, we can always choose who judges our words and actions —those who will make it better, use it, and thank you.

So, yes, this morning I'm glad to be alive, again. I'm ecstatic! It's my choice, to just be.

"In matters of conscience, first thoughts are best. In matters of prudence, last thoughts are best." ~Robert Hall

Solitude

2010-05-24T05:53:00.003+08:00

She carefully settled in after noticing a veiled lone woman kneeling several pews ahead. Sitting rather awkwardly, she let her gaze wander to the altar.

"I don't know what I'm doing here, I just need this time alone," her tears flowing freely, and painfully, then fumbled on her way home.

"Being solitary is being alone well: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your own presence rather than of the absence of others. Because solitude is an achievement." ~Alice Koller

Unplugged

2010-05-23T18:25:00.004+08:00

Frustrated, she took the remote control's batteries and replaced them. Still, nothing.

"This thing is busted..." and she sank in the sofa. I gotta watch it, she's talking to herself.

"Ermmm, try plugging it in." Her father looked up from his books.

She plugged it in. They chuckled and watched.

"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time." ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Contentment

2010-05-22T06:37:00.046+08:00

Contentment is a habit. Because we are what we repeatedly do. That I know.

When we strive towards a materialistic end, we lose, and "materialism" fails. It's too feeble. I rest in the premise that what really matters is who we are becoming in the face of what we do and don't have in this life. It's not about wanting more when you have less.

More often than not, I find, it's the little things that get under your skin each day.

Contentment is about resisting the urge to want the next thing when get what we want and refusing to live shallow lives because of our inability to be satisfied. But, satisfaction does not mean settling for mediocrity —as it too, is shallow.

We must purpose to reach a satisfaction that comes from knowing we've given "life" our best shot and we'd gladly accept whatever the outcome. And then, we strive to become more than that. We focus on "being", not "wanting" more. For it's only then do we become "more" in everyone's eyes. And when we're able to touch a life, we reach a higher goal. We're able to live useful lives. We gain something more that's worth living for.

Contentment is not having everything you want but habitually wanting everything you have.

“Happiness, contentment, the health and growth of the soul, depend, as men have proved over and over again, upon some simple issue, some single turning of the soul." ~George A. Smith

Cookie Monster

2010-05-21T17:27:00.007+08:00

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” ~Benjamin Franklin

Reaching for his fourth cookie, the old lady beside him cursed. She grabbed the pack and hurriedly left. He nodded.

"How dare he ate my cookies!!" —while opening her tote to find the unopened pack of cookies she bought. She blushed profusely. The man just bought another pack of cookies.

This was an illustration I used in one of my sermons during a youth gathering. It was a talk about false assumptions and self control. ~Dette

What mornings bring

2010-05-21T06:26:00.013+08:00

Need I say more? This is a feeble attempt to capture the "dream" I meet each morning. It's feeble because nothing can really come close to the "glory" of each moment I've witnessed.

Here's the red-orange sky that greeted me on my way out to walk this morning—

And... the breaking of dawn as I walked home...

Indeed, today means yesterday is gone.

Drifted

2010-05-20T19:09:00.004+08:00

She leaned her head and... soon, her eyes closed.

The wind in her hair, she was speeding northward. For a moment, the destination didn't matter. She was free. She couldn't care more... And then darkness. She felt a shaking.

"Wake up... we're home." Her father got off the driver's seat.

Happy are those who dream dreams and are willing to pay the price to see them come true. ~Anon

Exhausted

2010-05-19T06:08:00.000+08:00

She took a camera and hit the road before five to meet the dawn. Fresh morning mists made her shiver slightly. She was raring to record a video of the rising sun.

"Warning! Battery exhausted." The thing went dead.

She rounded a bend. "I've to get new batteries.." she thought.

“Sometimes the most urgent thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest...” Ashleigh Brilliant

Constant

2010-05-18T06:18:00.020+08:00

Life begets growth. Growth means change. Change is constant.

So, if you're having a bad day today, fret not. It will change. And if you're darn happy, relish the moment with all your heart. It, too, will change.

Nothing ever stays the same.

We're all frail creatures in an ever changing world. And that, I find, is what we all have in common. It is our constant. That won't change. We are fragile. Always will be.

Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.

Just Let Go ~Part 1

2010-05-17T06:06:00.039+08:00

I've always believed that, what matters most is not what happens to you, but the person you become because of it. Lately though, this thought just slipped away. When you're in the middle of a mess you tend to forget everything. You have reasons but you don't know what they are. You just hide behind the busyness and chaos of a stress-induced lifestyle. You lose yourself and those who matter most to you. You simply forget.

I remember how, one day —with my meager strength all sapped away— I woke up to a throbbing pain in my chest. I even had to catch my breath for simply trying to get up out of my bed. I could've stayed there. Instead, I took to work. And then.

I barely survived that day, my weakness unnoticed. For it was more a weakness from within. My heart lagged behind, willing for a break. (I have this congenital heart condition, an atrial septal defect. A corrective surgery could not yet be done due to financial difficulties.) But, about three months ago, I tried to run away from my present job. I'd felt a dead-end coming by then. Well, I've been running away from a lot of things. I know. I've tried to run away from religion, relationships, commitment. Anything that threatened to "possess" me. Anyway, I digressed. So, it was only after spending another day and a half confined in a hospital room —completely shut off from the chaos— that I took a sharp turn from my self-destructive habits.

I just let go. And it was not an easy feat.

When you take on your personal "giants", unarmed, most of the time you fail. And you don't just fail at the end, you actually fail long before the end. From what I've been through, that hurts the most. I had personal goals. I wanted them so much, it hurt so bad. I was losing my little battles. And I knew I had to win them first. Yet, it was a lot easier to hold on.

It took awhile for me to realize how sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to. So, I let go of the urges to fight back, to retaliate, to be angry, to sulk, to stop dreaming, to be bitter, to crawl back in the dark, to dwell on the pains...

Alone, I stood back up. I've chosen to take on the impossible odds. Why not? It worked.

You can view the stresses of life as a gruesome burden, one that pulls you out of every sinecure comfort and hiding you can find, or you can embrace it as a chance to stretch. And to spread your wings. To take on a new horizon. To stop surviving and start living. Truly.

“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for fewer problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom.” ~Earl Shoaf

The Text Message

2010-05-16T20:21:00.011+08:00

She absentmindedly toyed with her empty coffee mug, spilling a few sticky drops on her desk.

Her phone buzzed. She fidgets. The text message had her blushing.

She gingerly typed in a short reply.

"Oh, no-one special," dismissing her friends' curiosity.

But, the look on her face gave her away.

Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find these words.
~Rainer Maria Rilke

Gratitude

2010-05-15T05:53:00.117+08:00

"Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary." ~Margaret Cousins

I was about to head home when I realized I still had five minutes left of my set time walking this morning. I slowed down a few blocks away from our village's gateway.

A comforting feeling of warmth and gratitude washed over me as I stood in awe of this beautiful sight...

On impulse, I took a shot at it with my phone's camera. Then, I started singing to myself. A love song. Oh wait, I was supposed to sing a "thank you " song. But, it was hard to express what hit me, except the thought that each morning I walk, the sun rises in all its glory, like this.

It happens each morning, without fail...

I'm thankful how —even if I couldn't explain it fully— seeing this new day unfold gave me strength within... once more.

If it doesn't rain

2010-05-14T06:23:00.023+08:00

“An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises." Mae West

The young man poured his heart out on a letter to the girl of his dreams.

"Sweetheart, I'd climb the highest mountain, swim the widest river; cross the burning desert... die at the stake for you. P.S. I'll see you on Saturday, if it doesn't rain."

He broke her heart.

This is an illustration I used in one of my Saturday classes with a group of young teens. It is a lesson in commitment. The story still tugs at my heart today... leaves me uneasy about "commitment" of this sort.

Drifting

2010-05-13T22:56:00.009+08:00

All through the storm it quivers
its billowed sails a shiver,
a heart tho' frail, sees yonder—

Lying alone, cold, senseless
wide awake in the darkness
a soul finds rest in stillness...

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise..” ~Oscar Wilde

It is trust, not certainty

2010-05-12T21:51:00.005+08:00

I'm always drawn back to the "christian" life. Surely, it's not false comfort, or worse —religious piety. Because I never found any comfort growing up in church. I've never considered myself religious anyway. I could have been pious. I had all the chances. Instead, I drifted.

This is where I am religiously —nowhere. If I'm really honest about it.

My drift from faith was not a revolt. Having attended shortly at a Baptist seminary, I ran into a dead-end —of faith. I pretty much walked away from it... for a long time. It was a painful loss of interest. Indifference. I began to look at "religion" with suspecting eyes. Most of the time. And I developed a distaste for religious rituals. Beats me.

My personal hangups with the "church" didn't help much either. But, with three ministers in my family, I had to bite my lips in this respect. That way, falling out from "faith" was less dramatic. I just drifted. And became invisible. Or so I thought. Something just didn't add up. I knew.

It was only when I had nothing left to hold onto and with a nagging sense of emptiness that I've allowed myself to be drawn back in. Still, I protested for as long as I could... to no avail.

I have come to understand now, why the wise King Solomon wrote in Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." Faith is all that and more. Yet, too often it becomes a bloody tug-o-war between our sense of reason (which is very limited) and a total dependence on God's sovereign will. Trusting with all your heart is more of the latter. It's difficult, if not impossible. It means succumbing to uncertainties, to things we've not yet seen and might not even understand. Ever. It is trust, not certainty.

Now, I'd always get through when I just stop trying to figure out the whys. You can, too.

Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods. ~C. S. Lewis

Counted

2010-05-11T09:33:00.006+08:00

She flipped to the last page of the book. That, too, was the last drop from her water jug.

She waited. Morning... noon...

"Number 456..!" Her heart skipped a beat.

Choosing five, she carefully shaded the ovals. She stood beside the digital counting machine.

"Verifying your ballot... scanning complete... congratulations!"

“Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.” ~Adlai E. Stevenson

Contradictions

2010-05-10T05:08:00.001+08:00

You're riding a new wave, taking risks again. It's an overwhelming feeling. Sometimes it splashes cold water to your face. You get the chills. You laugh. You live the moment. Your heart beats faster. You love the thrill.

As you get off the wave the feeling subsides. You start to wonder if the moment you had before was real. Because a moment is just that, a moment. It passes. Soon, it's gone, never to return again. You wait. Another wave comes by. Repeat.

Now. It comes along. Uncertain. Slow. It seems easy to ride. But, you grapple the unknown. You fidget. It's that old feeling you've been desperately avoiding a long time. It's not fear, though. It's close to that. You hesitate, and yet, you take pleasure in its sensations and the familiar pain it brings. You resist. While in the same breath you pine for it. Funny, when it comes, you start to run away...

Still, it topples you all over again. You like it. You reach for it. Your strength drains slowly. You're close to giving in. And then. As it draws closer and closer, you walk away... from love.

"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship." ~Oscar Wilde

Perfect?

2010-05-09T23:36:00.000+08:00

She mulled over it for awhile, then decided to show it off anyway.

"So, how does it look?" Her office mate muttered a halfhearted "OK" over it. She nudged a pixel on the image and turned once more, "There, does it look better now?"

"Ehmmm... anything happened?" They both laughed.

"A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Free Falling

2010-05-08T22:43:00.000+08:00

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

You're not so sure what it is. But it's gnawing at your senses. You feel helpless. Your own strength has failed you. The explanations, the reasons, the taking... all seems futile at the moment. As to why, you have no idea.

Fear is always more intense when you're alone, battling it all by yourself.

Dark clouds hung over your head. A darkness that threatens with a heavier downpour of an impending storm.

The heaviness grows. It speaks volumes. Yet, you cannot hear a thing it says...

So, you trudge on, dragging your weary feet to a place you've once known, your haven. Your refuge. The walk took forever as you felt the scorching heat of the afternoon sun burning your skin. But your heart remained cold.

You scoured the whole place not knowing exactly what you were hoping to find. Everything looked too familiar. A familiarity you now realize have somehow reconnected you to a distant past. Still, you missed one thing... that, it hurt so much. If you only knew...

Now, you stand at the edge of reason —all your emotions silently tucked away. You spread your arms in the vast empty space. It’s time. You know it.

Note: This post was written on my journal last Saturday, May 1 at 3:50pm while riding a taxi going home. ~Dette

M-milk? Me?

2010-05-07T13:39:00.005+08:00

"No one is listening until you make a mistake." ~Anon

Passing up time after lunch, seven officemates' topic shifted to breastfeeding. One ranted about not being able to breastfeed since working away from her baby.

"You can bottle-up your milk, Kris..."

The bashful one of the group blushed profusely at the mention of her name.

The one breastfeeding is Lyn.

Finding forgiveness, losing faith ~Part 2

2010-05-06T09:33:00.057+08:00

Faith, I find, draws us to the impossible. Then, a door slams close to your face. You can only hear the double-bolting of locks from the inside as you stand out there, speechless.

This morning, I woke up 15 minutes late for my morning ritual. I scurried out the street after a quick face wash. It was starting to warm up as the morning sun slowly peeped through the coconut trees swaying gently with the summer breeze.

I went the opposite direction from my usual route —I headed south.

Noticing a rather obscure church building by the opposite side of the road, it stopped me in my track. I've always had this secret fascination with church buildings, palace-like or lowly shacks, the size didn't really matter. Something always draws me to them...

And, this one stood tall. A rather imposing sign above its gutter advertised the church's name with a tag-line that says "the church that cares for your soul" in bold white print on a blue painted plywood board. I thought to myself, that was weird, and walked on by.

I wondered. Aren't "churches" supposed to be doing just that? Must a "church" claim a monopoly of doing such?. I know. And it still hurts to be reminded, like now. I've been to "some churches" who couldn't care less about a soul. For the life of me, I still can't figure out why.

My feet seemed to have a mind of its own as it dragged me back to the street, going home, and all I could think of was how to make sense of one more question...

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." ~C S Lewis

One Moment

2010-05-05T08:59:00.031+08:00

Come, come away
and watch one moment lay
forever and a day

Breathe, walk on by
beneath the morning sky
leave it be, let it fly—

Don't throw a fit
shut it out, take a hit
let live, gah, forget it

"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow." ~Chinese Proverb

The Walk Home

2010-05-04T06:14:00.007+08:00

“Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.” ~Stephen Covey

She stopped at the gate, hesitating for awhile. She took one step, and... was on the street. It was a quiet morning.

She started walking north, determined to reach that one place. When she came, mumbled prayers filled the air.

She quickly turned. In deep thought, she walked toward home.

Spill

2010-05-03T06:59:00.011+08:00

Mornings seem to have a healing effect to the soul. I find it personally satisfying.

The rare serenity it affords, makes one realize just how insignificant we really are in comparison. From the sun's rising, the skies burst with an impressive spill of sheer beauty —no artist can quite capture. Like a vast canvass in the sky, nature paints one of its masterpieces with one confident stroke.

It quiets a broken spirit...

At the precise moment, the questions seem childish, in fact, senseless.

[Photo shot with a Nikon Coolpix 4MP, today at 5:35am] This is the light that greeted me at the start of my morning ritual —walking in the woods..

It's Gonna Rain!

2010-05-02T21:45:00.010+08:00

"I have learned that faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse." ~Philip Yancey

It has been a long drought. There won't be harvests. The minister had called for a prayer meeting. That night, the congregation solemnly huddled. There, a little girl was excitedly trotting with her umbrella...

Embarrassed, the mother pulled her aside. The little girl blurted,
"But mom... we're praying for rain!"

This is an illustration from this morning's sermon (and my Dad happens to be the minister giving the sermon). I have condensed it into a mini saga... ~Dette

Best Friends

2010-05-01T09:39:00.013+08:00

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one..” C S Lewis

His wife of 43 years was doing her makeup as they drove up the bridge.

"Dear, you happen to use my lipstick lately? I'm missing it ..," she scuffled through her purse without looking up.

"No dear, its color's not my type," he faked a sly feminine tone. They both chuckled.

My Mom and Dad have a comforting intimacy about them. I am grateful to have witnessed the daily bantering and small talks between them... They're my best friends, too.